First, let me say that I was happy about the response I got by calling you all my friends. I still can’t get over the hilarity that would ensue if we did all just kind of stand around together. Oh man, I’m cracking up about it right now. I guess it’s not that funny. I find a lot of things funny that really aren’t, I’d like to think that I’m one of those uplifting people that makes you think you’re funny because they laugh at everything you say. Like when my friend was talking about how Mike Tomlin kind of looks like Dr. Foreman from House. Anyway, during the Superbowl, it wasn’t looking too good for the Steelers and then my friend was like, “maybe you need to get Dr. House to diagnose what’s wrong with your defense.” That was something that I laughed about for days. I mean it’s not really something that is that hilarious, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Like I said before, the inner workings of my brain are an enigma. It’s best if you don’t ask.
Anyway, so, there I was surfing the internet for possible job prospects and getting distracted by the Colorado Rockies webpage. It’s like it calls to me when I’m trying to do other things, but I like to come back and check the scores of spring training games because they’re not often shown on television. So, while watching spring training games, I think a few things have yet to sink in with me. One of those things is that the numbers of some of the players have changed. For example, Ian Stewart used to be # 24, he is now #9; Seth Smith was #25, and now belongs with #7; and #23 stood for Ryan Speier who now wears #37. These changes have sometimes been difficult to adjust to because I’ll be watching a game and be like, “who… what… is number seven? Do we have a number seven? Obviously we do, he’s right there playing left field.”
So, here I am surfing around on the Colorado Rockies webpage and scroll down to the bottom where they show the three players with the best BA, RBIs, HR, whatever. And what is this picture that I see?
It is Matt Holliday… in an A’s uniform… and he is SMILING. He’s smiling. And I think it’s just my warped interpretation, but it’s like he’s saying, “Hey Emily, that’s right, I’m with the A’s now, and check me out… I look damn good in green.” I kind of wanted to yell something back at him like, “That’s a lie! You looked better in black and purple” but then I remembered that it was just a picture.
So, my soul is crushed just looking at him there in an Oakland A’s uniform. I decide to pay a visit to that Oakland A’s site (yes, it was a genius idea) and there is more…
Ticket sales and spring training games.
More crushing blows. Why don’t you just punch me in the face right now, Matt Holliday?
Approximately 95% of girls who know of Matt Holliday obsess over his backside… speaking of backside… how do you spell the word toosh? Is that it? Did I spell it right? Is there a “u” in it? Anyway, so, Matt Holliday has now turned his backside to the Rockies and me (his whole backside, not just his toosh… or… toush) and said, “I’ll see you June 26th.”
I know I was part of a support group about traded players, but, right now, it sure isn’t helping a lot.
Anyway, so, I’ve now realized what I have to do. Matt Holliday has clearly broken up with me, so now it’s time for me to accept it and say goodbye. I’ll be honest right now when I say that the only song that comes to mind at this very moment when trying to say goodbye is that song by Elton John that he sang for Princess Diana. I mean, in no way would I compare Princess Diana to Matt Holliday, plus he’s not England’s rose… and probably isn’t well represented by a song by Elton John, but that was the first song that came to mind probably because the word “goodbye” is like… the first word of the song.
So… I guess I actually need to think of a good break up song for this moment, but that Elton John song is so stuck in my head that I can’t think of how any other song goes.
One thing is for sure, it’s time to get over Matt Holliday, because it’s pretty apparent that he’s gotten over me… and by me I should actually mean the Rockies. Oh Matty, I guess we’ll always have that scar to remember our special bond in 2007.
UPDATE: I thought maybe Michael Bolton’s “How am I Supposed to Live Without You?” lyrics would maybe be fitting.
Or maybe Phil Collins “Against All Odds.” I mean, who doesn’t like Phil Collins? He’s a classic.